We’ve all felt that deep, abiding love for someone. The kind of love that reaches out from the grave and feasts on the flesh of the lover left behind. Right?

I thought this quote from the Princess Bride matched nicely with the last drawing, so I re-traced it, made the color scheme a little simpler and made a t-shirt out of it. It’s the very first Doodlehaus signature tee. Enjoy!

Not all gestures are appreciated. We’re often too hung up on the packaging, the messenger or the situation to realize truth.

Start digging some nerd holes

Famous words from Bart Simpson. I think they reflect the frustration people often feel when they deal with those who are heavily technological in nature. People who lace every sentence with jargon that has meaning only to them. To the average person, this odd dialect is both unnerving and maddening.

It’s unnerving because we realize how much we don’t know about computers, astrophysics and obscure Japanese animae. Let alone how they are all interrelated on a fundamental level.

We’re maddenned by nerd lingo because technology has so complicated our lives and we suspect that the nerd lingo itself is the root cause.

Fear not, good citizen. Not all technology is impossibly complex, and there are good nerds behind it. They get it and they want to make your life easier. So before you make plans to air-drop your IT department into an ammunition dump, remember that it’s much cheaper to buy them a case of Mt. Dew and a copy of the Life of Brian on Blue Ray.

I never said all these posts would be good

Branding, in and of itself, is a violent activity

The word “branding” gets thrown around a lot in marketing circles. “How can we get people to interact with our brand?”

I thought it was worth reminding everyone that a brand is really a red-hot logo on a stick that is seared into livestock’s hide to keep people from stealing them. It hurts. A lot.

No one in their right mind would want to interact with a brand, unless it was a mark they really wanted to wear. Forever.

Most of the branding we engage in involves products and services people don’t really care enough to burn into their back.

So ask yourself, would my customer give themselves a permanent 3rd degree burn with your product logo? If not, maybe you should spend more money on quality, customer services and other stuff. Just a thought on a Saturday afternoon. I’ll change my tune by morning.

Mr. Abernathy ponders the theological ramifications of landing the Johnson account.

The sad thing is most of the tasks we perform every day are mundane.

For most of us, even our big wins make most people respond “Good for you” when they’re really thinking “So what? You gonna buy the next round or what?”

And that’s fine, because in the end, you should buy the next round. All those mundane tasks that earn you more money, more prestige, more free beer, need to be shared with your friends.

For all anyone can prove, this is our one shot at life. Astrophysicists will tell us that our daily routine, in the cosmic scheme of things, is the equivalent of a quantum mechanical blip.

Yet somehow we drive for something greater, we believe that there is some sort of reason we fill out TPS reports, upgrade our wardrobes and keep up with the Jonses. It’s for each other. So be friendly when you win. Share it. It feels great, and we all need to feel great.

“The next one’s on me…oh no, I insist. I had a good day. Tell me about yours.”

Keep it real y’all. Peace…I’m out.

Have you found this guy on Facebook?

Networks: Harvard Alumni, Cell block 6 – Waupun, WI

Sex: Male

Birthday: August 17, 1969

Hometown: Bratislava, Slovakia

Relationship Status: It’s complicated

Political Views: Whig

Religious Views: Santeria

Activities: Rollin’ in my 5.0 with the rag top  down so my hair can blow, golf

Interests: I like to wait behind McDonalds around closing time. Did you know they throw out all the left over burgers?

Favorite Music: Air Supply, G.G. Allen

Favorite Books: The Bridges of Madison County

Favorite Movies: The Bridges of Madison County

Satan enjoys a latte at Starbucks

Somewhere, or maybe it’s everywhere, in a Starbucks lurks Old Scratch himself.

He’s sitting there wearing designer jeans, a Geoffery Beane shirt, a Jerry Garcia tie and sipping a Venti double-shot latte with two pumps of caramel. You know this because he ordered it once, took a sip and then loudly proclaimed to the entire establishment that it wasn’t right.

The baristas were happy to fix it for him.

After declaring it “close enough” he lectured the poor bastard (and everyone within earshot) of how he makes it better at home with his extremely expensive espresso machine (imported from Italy, naturally).

After his soliloquy, Lucifer takes another sip, still mumbling to himself about the low standards to which Starbucks has sunk.

You can hear the clip-clop of his cloven hooves as he saunters, smugly self-satisfied towards the table where he has set up his “workstation.”

He’s a writer.

You know this because he’s mentioned it to no one in particular several times that he is “on deadline”.

Another sip on the complicated beverage followed by a custom smooth-jazz ringtone. The Old One reaches into his jacket pocket, looks down his nose at the number and rolls his eyes in manner that would make Paris Hilton blush with modesty.

There is no salutation, no “hello”, just a torrent of obscenities woven throughout the retelling of the same point over and over again to the poor sap on the other end of the line who it seems doesn’t “understand his position.” Beelzebub’s complete and disregard for the crowd in the cafe is a sight to behold. Everyone stares, part in awe and part in disgust, at the acute sociopathic behavior.

Why do we let people act like this? Where do they get the idea that it’s okay? Where did it all go so wrong? I implore you gentle reader, rise up. When you encounter Satan in a Starbucks, tell him to shut the f@ck up.

Wherever you go, there you are

This has always been my favorite saying, ever since I heard it in…wait for it…one of the Mad Max movies. Despite its dubious origins, I’ve found that it can be simultaneously motivating and comforting. There’s a good book on the topic.

So, with that in mind, here’s some unsolicited advice on how to deal with a bad situation:

If you’re in a hell of a mess, better to deal with the carnage rather than fret over what went wrong. Make a note to check back later, but start bailing out the boat right now. And while your at it, have a chuckle. You’re bailing out a goddam boat, no need to be excessively morbid about it.

If you don’t like where you are, all the wailing and lamentations in the world will not pull you up. Look for the way out and start walking. If you don’t want to, then there’s probably a reason. Remind yourself of that reason, stay where you are.

Sometimes, you’re just screwed for reasons completely out of your control. Maybe Poseidon’s got a grudge against you, maybe a law has changed, or maybe the entire C-suite of your parent corporation were entirely too creative with the pension fund. There’s nothing you can reasonably do about that.

I’m mixing metaphors now, but you get the point. Sometimes you dig the hole, sometimes you’ve just forgot while you’re enduring a bad situation and sometimes…well, sometimes you’re just screwed. Have a laugh.

So here’s the pitch: 365 days. One sketch per day. A little pithy commentary after each sketch.

I’ll do it all on free platforms. Sort of a digital verison of Walden without the trancendental insights or intelligence. I’ll make every sketch available as a t-shirt, coffee mug and poster. If I’m lucky, I’ll break even on the hosting.

The only thing I’ll pay for is hosting and Moleskine notebooks.

There, I wrote it on the internet so it must be true.

find . -name “wp-config.php” -print > {your favorite path}/wpinstalls.txt

It worked for me!